Lilypie - First Birthday

My infertility story...

I am 32 years old and have been married for 9 years.  My hubby and I live in Southern California.  Ever since we got married in 2002, we knew we wanted to have a family one day.  My husband travels ALOT for business so we knew we wanted to wait a while to start trying to conceive...we wanted to enjoy the married life for a while.  We love life together and we love to be spontaneous (reminds me of a time we went to Spain for a weekend...long story).  In January 2008 we finally decided to start trying to get pregnant.  I got off the pill and thought..."Well, this is it! Within the next few months, I'll be pregnant and we will have a baby before I turn 30".  BOY WAS I WRONG! Each month we would try only to have my unwanted monthly guest show up. After about 6 months went by, I started doing research and learned that there was a little science that goes into getting pregnant.  So I bought an ovulation indicator, a large pack of pregnancy tests and started following all the suggestions people told me...


Maybe you need to relax...
You're trying too hard...
Put a pillow under your butt after sex and lay there for 30 minutes...
Have sex every day...
Have sex every other day...
If you want a girl, do this...if you want a boy, do that...


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!


Then there were the comments that drove me nuts...and still do...


You want kids...here, take mine...
You're still young, you have time...
“Relax, just stop thinking about it.”
Just adopt...
You cant get pregnant, I wish I had that problem...


Needlessness, all that didn't work.  Every month I wasn't pregnant, I found myself falling deeper and deeper into depression.  I think the only person that truly knows the pain I have felt is my husband and of course my savour, Jesus.  My husband has been amazing through this whole process.  He is a man of faith and always had encouraging scriptures and thoughts for me.   The pain of dealing with infertility is unexplainable and I don't wish it on anyone.  I can't count the number of nights I cried myself to sleep. There are so many thoughts that go through your mind...Why not me, Lord? Why does it seem like everyone else around me is getting pregnant and they aren't "trying"? Why does it hurt so bad? Why does the 16 year old girl in the grocery store that was cursing at her kid get to have a baby? Why, why, why?


I felt so alone.  It seems like everyone I knew had kids...everywhere I looked, I saw a pregnant woman.  Again, I cannot explain the pain that I have experienced over the past few years...and let's not even talk about my feelings on holidays like Mother's Day and Christmas. 


After 2 years went by, we finally decided to go to the doctor and "get checked".  After several tests, the results showed that both of my fallopian tubes were blocked and that was why we weren't getting pregnant.  My doctor diagnosed me with endometriosis. It all made sense now...my extremely painful, heavy periods and blocked tubes. Being that my tubes were blocked, my hubby's little swimmers weren't able to travel up my tubes to my eggs. 


So here we are...starting IVF (in-vitro fertilization) and full of HOPE & FAITH!